the future of email marketing? (cont, again)

as expected, i received this email form a US soldier serving in iraq who has found a load of saddam's money. apparently, i can get my hands on some of it. so that was quite a nice start to the day really.

the future of email marketing? (cont)

people not numbers

customers are not numbers.

they are living, breathing people with everyday joys and troubles. like a friend of mine, Sarah Jones: she’s just got a promotion at work; a friend recovering from serious illness; a child who’s made it to the hockey 1st XI; and a partner who has to leave home earlier and earlier in the morning to beat the rush-hour traffic.

in that respect, perhaps your audience is not so different from you. and you’re not a number, are you?

you could play an important role in Sarah's life. from saving her money to simplifying her life and putting a smile on her face. do it right and you'll be remembered. you'll have earn't the right to be part of her day.

so how do you start?

time to get closer.
personalisation has long been a technique used in the direct marketing industry. this has often been executed in an unsophisticated, heavy-handed way. then again, when it’s done properly, it puts the customer at the heart of the sales or communication process. to do it properly you have to know your audience. and I mean KNOW your audience.

go in search of insight.
to achieve this, seek insight from as many sources as possible. this will help you build up a clear picture of your audience. you’ll almost certainly find you’ve got more than one audience, unless you deliver a niche product. enlist the help of your customer-facing teams, research and data analytics. and bring on-board the creatives to assist in bringing your proposition to life.

stand out from the crowd.
your customer should perceive and experience a brand proposition that differentiates it from the competition. it could be detailed product knowledge, a dogged pursuit of crunch-busting offers or a family-friendly environment. whatever it is, find it and make yourself famous for it. you don’t have to be the biggest or most profitable brand to be great at marketing. out-think, out-smart, out-flank the competition and soon you could be the buzz brand on everyone’s lips

keep it consistent.
experience is crucial to a customer coming back for more. so align all your sales and communication channels to deliver your proposition. that way your audience has a consistent experience through all their touchpoints – from the phone to online; from the high street shop to the email updates.

the measure of your campaign.
try to put some form of measurement or metric into your customer touchpoints. direct marketing is built on the foundation of measuring response, whether that is a mail pack or viral campaign. your customer touchpoints provide an opportunity to add value (or measure) to that engagement. so, for instance, when a customer visits your website (or shop), open dialogue with them and, if they perceive a fair value exchange, gain more knowledge about them by requesting more information about their likes and dislikes. this can help you personalise your relationship with them and give you a way to measure the effectiveness of your marketing. look carefully, the opportunities are out there.

do something wonderful.
and never underestimate random acts of kindness. in a financially driven market (aren’t they all!), generosity, dedication and enthusiasm can go a long way.

i remember Sarah telling me that she was desperately trying to find a flight for her family to go to a wedding in Crete. no-one could help. or no-one wanted to. she finally spoke to an agent who listened to her plight. “Leave it with me,” said this helpful holiday angel. “I’ll get back to you first thing tomorrow morning.”

the next morning, as promised, she called back. “I’ve done it! You’ve got your flight,” the agent exclaimed.

sarah has used this company every year since.

oh! those crazy russians

an incident from "russia's got talent". so say.

is it real or fake? it has it be a spoof. doesn't it? doesn't it? tell you what, you decide. we laughed (though maybe we shouldn't have.)



personally, we think the guy should have just walked it off.

insight, insight everywhere but not a drop to drink.

from a creative point of view, customer insight drives a proposition.

using traditional techniques to find it, like data and market research, you'll tend to find where a customer has been, but that’s only part of the story.

what many brands are seeking these days are leaps – a jump in understanding the customer. for this traditional techniques are simply not enough.

to get the breakthrough you need new techniques or perhaps, more importantly a new person to approach the challenge.

ideally this resource is in-house, someone who can approach the issue with an intelligent naivety that allows you to see where opportunities lie in the future, rather than how customers have behaved in the past.

as marketers we have to realize that the audience has moved on. they sussed the techniques of the past and know how to play the game. and marketers think they are so clever with their teaser campaigns, money-off vouchers and bland ideas. so while traditional techniques can be used to help define who and when you communicate, they won’t necessarily tell you with what.

the resource that produces this insight may not use ‘techniques’ at all. the really good ones are born or bred rather than trained. they are obsessive people-watchers who are prepared to go out on a limb to find the real fruit. by taking a leap they discover where they can lead a market, not follow.

this skill provides the space to engage with consumers in new and exciting ways – driven by insight.

examples include Virgin, Lush, Apple and Ikea.

and the cost? if you want insight that create leaps, reframes the market and gives you a competitive edge – employ someone who can make the jump or find a good agency to do it for you.

it should cost and you should be prepared to pay.

the future of email marketing?

destination branding: bravery should foster competitive advantage

in a recent article ‘Destination branding: how marketing makes a country stand out’ Julia Berg of Charisma PR rightly said ‘ Country and region brands are everywhere, and each is aimed at helping the consumer see a destination in a different light’.

but my concern is do they?

with so many country brands competing for consumers’ attention, there is a tendency for messages to merge together in a swirl of words and images is the consumer actually still left with far too much work to do.

the purpose of marketing – and direct marketing in particular is to give consumers a shortcut. in effect reduce choice.

how often do you hear it expressed like that?

what happens to the senior client after the pitch?

permanently listed in the Top 10 of client gripes with agencies is ‘The team that pitches is not the team we end up working with’. worthy of a discussion maybe, but it does prompt another thought. an angle that rarely, if ever, gets mentioned: what happens to the senior client after the pitch?

picture an enthusiastic, passionate agency team rolling up at a company boardroom. in their shiny portfolios is three weeks’ worth of work by ten, delivered in five days by a team of four. there are handshakes all around for their audience, which includes the Marketing Director or even Managing Director. Pitch delivered with aplomb, the agency wait with baited breath for the call.

then, pitch won, the account team meet the client again to confirm the brief, develop processes and set the ball rolling. frantic activity ensues. the agency presents a tweaked strategy (probably), amended concepts (likely) and revised costs (inevitably). excitement abounds. results come in, strategies evolve, media gets changed and brand measures receive in-depth analysis.

and all this activity undertaken without ever seeing the board-level management again.

so is this a bitter gripe?

absolutely not. it’s about engagement. commitment at a strategic level where direct marketing can have its greatest effect. your direct agency will be finding the best way for you to talk to your customers, or helping you to find more. in a fiercely competitive market, what could be more important?

delivering outstanding work, with the customer at the heart of it, needs to be sponsored from the top. ideally, these deeper insights should be integrated across all the marketing activity and customer touchpoints. this means continual engagement at the most senior level has a vital role in creating campaign success.

when senior managers engage with their agency, the results are better. period. and the level of passion and commitment often engendered by the marketing director et al is invaluable for client and agency team alike.

so what stops senior client involvement? perhaps it’s symptomatic of increased time pressures or a worrying lack of representation for DM at the boardroom table. of course campaigns need to be delegated to managers and teams but, in my experience, the best work happens when seniors are involved from start to finish. I’m not convinced this common across the industry.

agencies are used to being beaten with the ‘pitch team’ stick, but that shouldn’t stop them from asking the same questions of clients. groundbreaking results come from ongoing commitment – from both sides.

we’re storytellers. Or should be.

if brands are an experience, then stories are an effective way to describe this experience to others.

stories are a part of all our lives, and they inform our goals, attitudes and behaviour; they serve as simple yet compelling guides.

you remember stories, not sales pitches, presentations or propositions.

is that it? are results the only way to value direct marketing.

we had a lengthy client meeting recently where a huge amount of time was spent discussing their brand and how we could articulate this, directly, to their audience. these discussions were intense and called upon the considerable experience of both client and agency to resolve.

turning a brand bible into a communication that actually moves a person to do something is no mean feat. it requires the skills of planners, creatives and client services to take carefully honed brand values to someone using the bridge of customer insight. then of course there's the data bods, finding, segmenting and targetting the audience.

i pondered later the strategic importance of those decisions, not just for our impending campaign, but for the way in which that brand will develop.

it brought to mind a conversation I’d had some months ago with Tony Spong of AAR and a few other industry luminaries.

direct marketing has defined itself as advertising with a ‘call to action’. I’m sure other branches of the advertising industry would believe that they could lay claim to that in their own way. But 'results' have become our USP – measurable results, as if that qualifies it further.

well, if that claim wasn’t under scrutiny before, it is now with the rise of the digital channel and the almost limitless amount of data (results) this can spawn.

the skills in direct agencies are so much broader, but do we promote them and are they recognised?

results appear to be the only way direct marketers can place a value on what they do. or perhaps results is the only value that clients will accept from us. surely, we offer so much more.

or is that it?

not to be sniffed at

they say it's gonna be a long, hot summer. fab news indeed, unless, of course, you're a hay fever sufferer.

this being so, we're very much enjoying kleenex using twitter as a means to alert britain's snuffle brigade to the nation's pollen count.

nose-streaming twitterers type in the first-half of their postcode and a pollen rating (1-5), along with a tag #atishoo, then, blow me down, it appears on the kleenex website on a flower-strewn google map of britain.

instant. immediate. inspired. and perfectly aligned to what the company flog.

check out the sniffers' map here.

four-ply man-size, anyone?

positive signs

check out this cracking little short film from down under. it'll warm your cockles.

to watch it - and it's only about 5 minutes long - click here.

salty seadogs

is he, isn't he. we think resident data guru iain III has more than a passing resemblance to man of the sea - captain haddock.

this week we most humbly recommend

what sports tells us about life by ed smith

here's the blurb:

why will there never be another bradman? how do you win 33 games in a row? why did zidane lose his rag on the world's stage? foraying deep into sport's leftfield, ed smith asks the questions we rarely ask of our teams and players. when is cheating really cheating? is the free market good for sport? can talent be a curse? does luck matter? his answers, often controversial and always thought provoking, will delight anyone who has ever wondered why sport matters.

we say: if you love your sport and have a life, you'll rip through this book. the former england batsman composes a beautiful wordy innings featuring scintillating sentences and swashbuckling paragraphs.

he is, by all accounts, one sharp cookie, who has an eye for storytelling and the enlightenment that accompanies it.

bad language just has to stop

i read with interest the inaugural speech of the new ipa president, rory sutherland. as you’d expect there is much to commend in the address; from a challenge to the industry to demonstrate its social as well as commercial values, to a rallying call for our various specialisms unite for the common good.

one bit that really caught my eye though was his reference to ‘human understanding’.

it's so refreshing to hear the word human in a marketing context, rather than consumer, target, or data – which is even less personable.

marketers, especially direct marketers, should never lose sight of the fact that the ultimate arbiter of our labours is our fellow citizen; a living, breathing sentient being, not a number on a spreadsheet.

so why do we trot out impersonal labels? and worse still, those ubiquitous bits of ‘marketing speak’, like the way some folks make strategy precede or follow another word to try and make their point sound more, well, strategic. i doubt some are fully understood judging by their random use. even common parlance, like ROI, can have several interpretations depending what you are measuring.

i suppose its part of our identification, a rite of passage, or tribal mentality. and miraculously it would appear that the higher you go the more phrases you can use and, quite possibly, the less sense you make.

refreshing our use of language could ensure our industry focuses on promoting and selling products and services in a way that puts people (and human understanding) at the heart of communication, not numbers. making it more straightforward and direct will also bring to the fore the responsibility we have to consider what value any given campaign may have to another human being. this should lead to even better and more relevant work. that way we might also save ourselves from the ‘junk mail’ jibe, whatever the channel.

this change in language can start whenever an agency and client meet. it should permeate briefs and presentations. every industry creates jargon to act as shorthand to facilitate sharing ideas and thoughts quickly. ours is no different. but over time the lectionary increases, meanings change and use becomes a barrier to real conversation. in my view it gradually dehumanises our endeavour.

sutherland goes on to suggest that human understanding is actually what we should sell in the future. again I am sympathetic to his view. but the challenge is that we can’t sell if clients don’t want to buy. so the industry, client and agency, needs to meet on this point together.

so will our next appointment at entire be a data planner, flash programmer or behavioural psychologist? therein lies the conundrum.

i firmly believe that we should return to real language – communicating clearly without the need for ‘marketingese’ that masks real dialogue.

fiat is driven

something for those who like to do their bit for the planet and look good doing it. a really lovely website and has some clever data thinking too. eco drive has been round a little while but this little fiat beauty is sure worth the journey.

take a spin

The internet makes me want to rock out

Today is the day Wolfram Alpha went live. Some people have called it a Google killer, but these people are all journalists and haven't been paying attention.

Wolfram Alpha is basically a HUGE database compiled from loads of information on the internet. Instead of providing you with links to pages to answer a question, it just gives you the answer in a simple, usable format, along with any extra information you could want to know. Average age of someone called Nick, just search 'name nick'. Want to know what happened on your birthday? Just search it. Average salary for Finland? It's there.

It's definitely worth checking out the search examples page to get an idea of the enormous potential this engine has as I've inevitably quoted some really boring searches, there is LOADS of juicy stuff in there.

Google and WolframAlpha will sit alongside each other, both offering different ways of searching the web, each one subtly more suited to certain situations. It's certainly not the end for Google, but it is the beginning (or next step if you use Ubiquity) of the view that the internet is a single entity that can be directly queried, rather than have to be navigated using millions of incongruous pages.

Brilliant.

extend your reach

i love graphs. usually i manage to keep my enthusiasm for these beautiful creations to choice clients and colleagues, but every so often, a graph comes along that gets me so excited i have to tell the world. well, that 'so often' is today folks. marketing profs emailed me some facts today that i just HAD to turn into a graph. the excitement never stops for me.

So, without further ado, here is:

Years taken to reach 50 million market audience by channel!

is this man ian bates?

we're very taken with the story that beyonce has been using a double on her european tour to fulfil some of her duller tasks. you go, girlfriend.

seems that just the other day, the bootilicious one sent her lookilikee to have an official tour of vienna's albertini musuem while she chose to go shopping with her mum. thing is, she got papped by the papparazzi at both places at the same time. they put 2 + 2 together... yadda, yadda, yadda.

interestingly, at the time, the museum bods felt there was something not quite right about their particular beyonce. well, they would say that now, wouldn't they! or, had they rumbled this ruse, but dared not to mention it as to not offend the 'pop princess' in their presence?

anyway, this got us thinking. we know someone who's particularly time poor: mister ian bates: creative director, entire board member, dma council member, opinion former, mover and shaker, visionary... there's just never enough hours in the day.

well, now, there doesn't have to be.

the search is on. is there anyone out there, a double, who could help ian take care of all those tiresome duties he doesn't need to be at? you know, those parties. those media calls. those long, meandering meetings. the endless rounds of handshakes and small talk.

batesy, meanwhile, can do that which he loves the most: spend time at the chaos of the coalface. the pressing deadline, the hunt for the big idea, the a3 pad and the big, fat marker pen.

so far, we've had one idea as to who can 'double up'. maybe you have others!

no-one over 5ft 6 inch need apply.

this week, may we humbly recommend...

madam hyde writes for the guardian. she is goooood. and very funny. and in this enlightened tome, she exposes one of the strangest aspects of contemporary culture: the emergence of often bird-brained celebrities as our new priesthood, dispensing wisdom and performing good works.

surprise announcement in aussie parliament

wow, jason wood, federal member for la trobe in victoria, makes a strange and surprise announcement in the chamber. quality buffoonery.

keep calm and carry on

in light of recent events down mexico way, perhaps it's time to reappraise the work of old-school ravers altern 8. obviously ahead of their time, they were.

books on demand

blackwells have recently revealed an "espresso book machine" in their Charing Cross store. the book is essentially a huge database of texts (mostly out-of-copyright, but new publishers constantly added) which you can select, print and bind on the machine within 5 minutes. that, in my humble opinion, is very very cool.

obviously we've all had access to sites like project gutenberg for a while now, but reading off a screen just doesn't compare to reading a book in print, and i for one would be willing to pay for a hard-copy. as more and more publishers come on board, and the machine is spread nationwide, it means any bookshop can begin to compete with amazon on a stock level, without any expensive storage costs.

the only downside i can see is that the machine, although I'm sure it has a browsing option, won't compare with wandering around a bookshop and picking up random titles (i'm easily attracted by flashy covers). but then, nor can amazon, and they've never seemed to struggle...

facebook releases more data

Heard from econsultancy that facebook are giving more power to marketers and developers by allowing access to users photos and other information within their API. all comes with the obligatory extra level of 'allow access' buttons, but that's to be expected.

read the full article here

lisa bonet ate no basil

re: the previous post which reminded us of this palindromic classic! very weird. very al. very yankovic. too clever by half.

a man, a plan, a canal, panama

watch it one way, then the other. apparently it's the same both ways. huh? (with thanks to our friends at weekendautopsy.

3-d movies - they're back... but are they here to stay?

there's been a whole rash of 3-d movies of late. seems it's very now (all over again). anyway, here's the initial trailer for what will almost certainly be the biggest of the year - avatar. written, directed and produced by james 'draw me, jack' cameron. it should be out round chrimbo time. the cost? well, not much change out $200 million, so say. cheap as flippin' chips in a fried potato sale.

thanks to its 3-d loveliness, we're assured it's going to be a feast for eye and mind alike. trouble is my local odeon can barely get to grips with 2-d. ah well, we'll have to toddle along to a posho cinema (with exotic asian beer and vegetable crisps) for the full visual extravaganza! now where did i put those red and blue glasses?

revolutionary new biscuit recipe

this, indeed, is a curious tale. trotsky's ashes get stolen and the very next thing...

read it here.

philips: in your face

created by tribal ddb and stink digital for phillips. check this out! very nice. very nice indeed.

is consumerism our highest calling?

entire has long been concerned about the term 'consumer'. Is that the highest calling to which the human race (or western society) can aspire?

the bishop of liverpool, rt rev james jones, offers a new perspective that supports this view. buying and selling stuff is not bad - trade is a worthy endeavor, but consumerism?

surely that's what got us in this hole!

you can listen to his thought for the day (22/04/09) here
or read it here

the stop-moaning-about-the-wembley-pitch campaign starts here

honestly, we don't know what they're going on about. bloomin' preenin' premiership peacocks. roy keane wouldn't stand for this sort of nonsense.

changing identity

discovered this little nugget in april's edition of drum. it's a really sweet visual identity for 'the sharp centre' in manchester created by a studio called four23. the logo never appears the same twice and shifts depending on the amount of data coming to and from the building. proper digital thinking.

a joke for our caledonian readers

barack obama on his recent visit to the uk decided to get some tasty publicity.
he visits a hospital and enters a ward of patients. none of them look sick, ill or injured.

he says hello to one, who replies:

fair fa your honest sonsie face,
great chieftain o the puddin race,
aboon them a ye take yer place,
painch, tripe or thairm,
as langs my airm.

obama is perplexed, so he smiles and moves on to the next patient, who responds:

some hae meat an canna eat,
and some wad eat that want it,
but we hae meat an we can eat,
so let the Lord be thankit.

even more puzzled, the yes-he-can man moves on to
the next patient, who starts reciting:

wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
o the panic in thy breasty,
thou needna start awa sae hastie,
wi bickering brattle

obama hasn't got a clue what's going on. he turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, 'is this a psychiatric ward?'

'nope,' says the quack, 'this is the serious burns unit.'

iranian snipers inspired by george lucas

it's the annual chewbacca festival in downtime tehran. it's a strong look; it's a powerful look.

we love a good triptych!

we're not sure this is it. seems like someone's been watching david lynch's mullholland drive and inland empire a few times too many.

all new from those at diesel. only the brave. their latest smell.

check out the website - you get the movie and a twitter-fest that asks what is brave (now that we do like). it's very addictive. minutes of fun.

this is what happens when you go to thailand

lesley's got a big swollen face. not the norm, mind you. the result of a weird reaction between her skin and a fancy-dancy perfumed emollient.

apparently, at one point, during its expansion, lesley's bonce was 5 times its normal size. wish we had a picture of that!

21st century therapy?

secrettwweet.com

you know that secret you've been keeping to yourself all those years. the one that's been chewing up your insides. or maybe it's the one you've wanted to scream to the world but couldn't. well, now you can. and no-one will know it's you. at the very least, you can check out others' secrets. hmm...

amazingly hairy creatures

a sweet little exclusive from pitchfork tv. the making of the new SFA album. as recently recommended by us. deeply fascinating. anyone who can write a cool song called 'the very best of neil diamond' deserves our respect.

T2:rotf - hot new footage

posted by michael bay this very day. impressive skills. a new leap for cgi by all accounts. as for megan fox - hubba hubba!

NOTE: SUN 18 APRIL - LOOKS LIKE OUR EXCLUSIVE WAS JUST A LITTLE TOO EXCLUSIVE! SHAME IF YOU MISSED IT!

NOTE 2: IT'S BACK - LONG LIVE PIRATES!

this week, we most humbly recommend

how old is this man?

answers on a titchy, tiny electronic postcard, please.

the latest buzz on sting and his missus

my god! this is authentic. this is genuine. this is insane. sting and trudie (aka lord and lady smug) have invited a select band of, how can we put it, types for a week-long summit of, er, stuff at their swanky villa in Tuscany. you couldn't make it up. so we won't. instead we've set out the actual wording of the invite below. fancy the idea of sting plucking his lute while waxing lyrical about how to raise consciousness as a social tool? no, we don't either. file under prats.

I would like to invite you to join ... Sting and myself, along with 20 or so like-minded souls, for a week of sun, fun, food, wine, conversation, creativity and laughter.

We are gathering together some of the most creative writers, humanitarians and film-makers we can find, people who care for humanity and the world we inhabit in a conscious and thoughtful way, and whose philosophy of life informs their creative process.

The theme for the week is social consciousness and creativity – but I want it to be informal, relaxed, a source of inspiration for some of the brightest creative minds we know.

Humanitarian activists will break bread with film directors. There will be speakers who, over a long lunch, might give an informal talk about the world they occupy, and put forward visions for the way art, culture and cinema can participate in social transformation. We will rethink how change happens in our society. Who knows who you might meet, and what new friends you might make!

I shall be clucking like a gorgeous mother hen, ensuring that we'll be fed and wined to the max, sun-kissed and stimulated into oblivion/presence – you choose!

NO SCHEDULE, NO AGENDA, NO PRESSURE

OUR ONLY ASPIRATION IS TO PROVIDE INSPIRATION!

effect-ive

lynx have always had us smiling over the 'pulling power' of their products. their website now has all the tricks for the man in the street.

get in there

techno, techno, techno

isn't tech brilliant. the world of augmented reality has been with us for a few years now. take a look at how brands can bring their products to life.

check it out

cyberpets win prizes

adam woods form revolution uk also has nice view on how this technology will become part of everyday life - part of an advertisers arsenal

have a read

future of gaming

my girlfriend recently rekindled my lifelong love of computer games by buying me an xbox 360 for christmas. now she hates us (me and me box), but that's ok because i'm a couple of points off seargent on halo 3.

anyway...

recently, something called onlive was announced. it looks very cool, if a little implausible, but is worth keeping an eye on. it uses the concept of cloud computing (basically lots of servers around the world becoming a massive supercomputer) to build a totally online games console that works on anything that can handle video and has a net connection.

as a (totally fictitious, but informative) example:
i want to play the new game BONG. i don't own a hard copy, but merely log in to 'onlive' and begin playing; the game is processed and everything handled over the onlive cloud network. i then play the game in realtime, with no downloads, system problems etc. i can theoretically access any game and play it on my system instantly (i presume there'll be a payment system though).

the ramifications of this are immense. not only for me, but for the future of my relationship with my girlfriend. check it out at your peril...

twitter; good application #1

as brilliant as twitter is, and it is brilliant, it's currently rare that you see businesses use it to directly drive sales.

well, bakers aren't exactly known for technical innovation, but this lot have really got it nailed.

sparkling scarlett

being extreme quoffers of the fizzy stuff, we are particularly taken by the new moet and chandon ads featuring young scarlett johansson!

wonderful shots, gorgeous wardrobe, impressive art direction.

but most of all, doesn't the new missus ryan reynolds look absolutely fizzing hot?

it must be said certain members of the office couldn't help but spurt their jeroboams when confronted with the images.

music on the move

another beauty. this ad by sony makes the journey worthwhile.

at the third stroke

sweet print ad for swatch scuba collection. copy reads: half past twelve.

watch me, but don't listen

jakob nielsen (or God as he's known to most web developers), recently sent out a newsletter showing some interesting stats on viewing time for online videos (US only unfortunately).

contrary to people bemoaning the death of TV, 99% of the TV/video people watch is on TV, only 1% is on their computer; even for the age group 18-24 then 98% of TV/video is watched on TV, so there is no real difference in age groups.

so, TV's not dead yet. the really interesting thing about the research is that when asked to recall their behavior, participants in the study underestimated their amount of TV viewing by 25% and overestimated their use of online video and mobile video.

God says: "First Rule of Usability? Don't Listen to Users"

risky ground, any thoughts?

eat my shorts

join the wonderful world of simpson avatars. create your own

what's got us excited this monday morning 3

those crazy people at nivea. they crack us up. we love them.

not content with giving us Cashmere Moments, they've come up with another skintime classic: Happy Time.

what next? Foaming Occasions. Soapy Junctures.

we can't wait.

what's got us excited this monday morning 2

the england football shirt.

The all-white strip has been billed as the "most sophisticated football kit ever" and promises to mould bespoke tailoring with innovative design to create what Umbro have called "an articulated second-skin armour."

whatever.

all we know is that jon terry's mum can pick one up dirt cheap from the tesco at weybridge. in fact, it's a steal.

what's got us excited this monday morning 1

the nifty ad for the new australian rules season.

SEE IT HEAR

the world's daftest sport set to a stonkin' tune last heard in scorcese's the departed.

it's a belter to get you're excited about watchin' 30-odd mullets runnin' round an oval field chasin'an odd-shaped bladder.

go lions, go!

stewart rules

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

some crackin' jon stewart from the other night. check out the snivelling interviewer sucking up to ponzi-scheme-fraud allen stanford. what a pair of tossers!

musical motherlode

spotify.com

phuck twitter. this is where the action is.

streamed music a-go-go. you choose it and, lo, it pours out of your speakers instantly.
and you can have it for nothing. sweet!
what is it?
musical heaven. melodic nirvana. brilliantly brilliant.
artists. styles. genres. trillions of tunes.
it is the future except you can do it right now.
get with it, daddio. devour it like a hungry hound.

how have those crafty swedes made it delay-free?

they say: everyone loves music.

we say: we love spotify.

cheer up: that's an order

fed up with glum chums? tired of moaning minnies? downturn leaving you feeling down in the mouth?

here's some wise, wise words.

cream of the crop

hats off to nivea for coming up with an absolute gem of a product name. comedy gold we say.

we're referring to their silky shower gel called, ahem, cashmere moments.

we'll say that again: cashmere moments.

what does the blurb say:

the sensual scent of orchid blossom indulges your senses, while the silky shower cream with cashmere extracts caresses and cleanses your skin, leaving it as soft and smooth as cashmere.

they're certainly pushing the old cashmere angle. that's cashmere (if you hadn't already noticed).

stand and deliver

Antony Gormley on the Fourth Plinth from One & Other on Vimeo.

antony gormley. trafalgar square. the fourth plinth. one hour of your life. sounds interesting.

take a butcher's at the website. will you be giving it a go?

he a sensitive soul

thought i'd start the week off with some sage philosophies from one of the last centuries most inspiring speakers (the following was found printed on paper, so i can't link to it, but it was in the guardian if you're interested)...

anyway, sage quotes from the one and only, Mr T:

"all I want to do for the rest of my life is Snickers promotions"

"I'm not a wimpy mama's boy. I'm not "weee-weee-weee-weee" you know?"

"Mr T ain't ashamed to cry. When I go out and I meet people who are suffering and they come and talk to me, Mr T cries, Mr T who could break a man's jaw with his fist."

"No, I don't like magic - but I have been known to make guys disappear."

"They'd say, "Hey Big T. Where's the party, brother?" and I'd say, "The party right here!"

I've always had a great respect for people who refer to themselves in the third person

behold, tasmanian gold

here's a fab little beer-floggin' spot from downunderland. superb bit of crafting. we don't even mind the incongruous lightsabre that much.

to see a sharp-screened version - if you're a devil for detail - click here.

fauxlantropists

you know what it's like. you earn millions, billions possibly, set up a charitable foundation or two, avoid paying tax, gain a dodgy knighthood, have idiots fawning all over you, get found out as a vile fraudster. this week, it was a brash texan. who's next we wonder?

as ever, top satire from the onion.

jacko goes under the hammer

look what we've come across!

the erstwhile king of pop - mj - has put much of his stuff under the hammer. some of it is surprisingly stylish; other pieces are a bit... oh my god.

have a look for yourself and decide what you'll be bidding for.

what would david 'the duke' dickinson make of it?

jacko's bits and bobs

where's sir allen stanford?

the billionaire cricket impresario (sic) and ponzi scheme operator is purportedly nowhere to be seen.

well, for the reputation of english cricket, we're out to find him.

is this the elusive fellow?

walking a tightrope

finally, we got to see man on wire, the award-winning doco about philippe petit's remarkable walk between nyc's twin towers back in 1974. as the blurb says: it was the artistic crime of the century!

all we can say is that it was utterly gripping (much like old philippe's feet). a must-see movie. a cinematic tour de force. yes, yes, we knew he'd do it, but it didn't stop us from getting sweaty palms.

however, we did note that this audacious fellow made his crossing (actually, he walked between the towers eight times all told) in some rather fancy flares. how very french!

sounds, amazing

shameless altruistic[?] plug here

a good friend of mine is holding a 'sound and light installation' at the croft in bristol (BS1 3RW) tonight, so if you're in the area and feeling a little experimental (or in the need of a couch and a pint) come along and check it out between 5 - 7. it's free.

his website is here, and worth checking out if you want to know what's going to happen. it'll be a surprise for me, as i've cultivated a method of appearing that i'm listening to his explanations whilst really thinking about more interesting things; like could i really convince my girlfriend to name our first child Anakin?

however, i think it involves people having a go at drawing on a board without touching it, or some such thing. history in the making i'm sure...

straight from the superbowl

robots in disguise alert!

here's the 30-second teaser from transformers 2: revenge of the fallen!

talk about state of the art!

oh my golly, we're excited - especially our digital arm!

holy profanity, batman

listen up! it's christian bale losing it on the set of the new terminator movie.

and when we say losing it, we mean losing it! oh brother!

the target of his abuse is the DP, a guy called shane hurlbut (unfortunate name in the circumstances).

look, we know acting is a serious business, but, goodness darling, it's all about having a sense of perspective.

WARNING: this audio has language that would make gordon ramsey blush!

martyn, no more

cheers, jm, we say.

innovator, troubadour, drunk!

a legend of echoplex and strange tunings.

why we are depressed today

iggy pop. swift cover. too sad to be true.

we refer to the former great one's dostoevsky-inspired LP of 1977: the idiot.

ultimate wisdom

noticed today that google are quietly trying to challenge wikipedia. they've been building up a free service called knol which aims to provide free packets of knowledge, or 'knols' on all sorts of subjects. their usp is that each article is written by an expert on the subject, rather than your average joe, thereby beating wikipedia's apparent untrustworthy articles.

well, almost.

i checked to see what gleaming nuggets of wisdom appeared on the knol homepage and my eye was drawn to the knol for "WISDOM HAPPINESS" by sajid khan. this 'expert' on the subject extolled a load of nonsense for a couple of pages, ending on the witty:

"THE ULTIMATE HAPPINESS THAT EVERY INDIVIDUAL CAN REALISTICALLY ASPIRE TO IS CREATED BY BEING AT THE APEX OF ONES EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.BY
BECOMING WISE." [sic]

nice. all this from a man whose personal description reads "Wisdom(brain) coach,President of research foundation,solver of the mystery of wisdom, antique dealer, inventor, knoler, solver of the mystery why the sperm is tiny and the womens egg is huge".

think i'll stick with the wiki for the time being.

he ain't heavy, he's my dumbbell

uber-trendy fitness institute, gym box, have a come up with a novel idea to motivate its aspiring gods and goddesses.

members of its bank establishment (located in the tainted streets of london's financial hub) can choose to lift one of five differently shaped people, including two midgets and a chunker weighing in at 155kg.

apparently, it's all about positive visualisation.

as a bonus (and we know that city types love them), the human weights will even offer words of encouragement to members as they strive to complete that last set of reps. something like "die, banking scum, die" would seem appropriate.

golden shower?

this christmas saw an increase to the traditional deluge of marketing emails from all and sundry, attempting to squeeze every last christmas buck from us before we all realise that we actually should start behaving like we're in a recession. the increase might be expected by some, but over the past 12 months great leaps have been made in permission-based email marketing, and with most brands now offering customers the ability to adjust their contact preferences, and choose email content, why the sudden mass mailings?

well, it's got to be the current economic climate, ain't it? we all know that.

so, if we all know that, do we forgive the companies for clogging our inbox? are they allowed to spam us, when we are well aware they are fighting for their very survival?

personally, i say no. now is the time for brands to build stronger relationships with their customers, not to p*ss them all off. but maybe, some people sympathise with these struggling, desparate brands and see the very human struggle for survival behind their desparate campaigns?

what do you think?

mini advances

From our correspondent on the streets:

I've seen the future. I'm not sure I like it…

Advertising is all around us. Some might say it's already too invasive. Any TV show that isn't on a BBC channel is sliced up to make way for 'important messages'. We've even seen shows and time slots sponsored by manufacturers and service providers. But at least we can the TV off. At the moment we still have some choice whether or not we want to be exposed to sales messages. It does, however, restrict what activities we can take part in e.g. only watching BBC channels.

This 'sales saturation' is posing it's own set of problems for those in the business of selling their products, and those who are charged with coming up with new ideas – those in advertising and marketing. As a consumer, I want less advertising not more. For me, this poses somewhat of a dilemma – since I work in that field.

So, back to the future. What can advertisers and marketers do to make sure their message reaches an increasingly desensitised and ad savvy population? The answer, it seems, is something that anyone in Direct Marketing has known for years – personalisation.

A personalised approach is far more likely to elicit a response. If that is further channeled to a specific audience, the chance of success is further increased. Used in that way, direct marketing can succeed where other channels fail. Mass audience advertising is a fairly blunt tool.

So how can advertising apply personalisation? The key is information. Good direct marketing relies on good data. The more you know your target audience, the more likely you are to give them something they want. We're starting to see 'above the line' advertising tentatively using data to give more personal messages. This is the future.

Mini USA have given us a glimpse of that future, with an innovative test campaign using digital signs and emerging new technology called RFID (Radio Frequency Identification). Using a small chip embedded in the drivers key fob, a personal message displays on a digital hoarding as the driver approaches.

You can find the full article here.

This test campaign was targeted at existing Mini owners who were asked to fill out a questionnaire, the answers for which became the basis for the personal messages. Imagine seeing "Happy birthday Mr Jones" on a 10 foot high bill board as you drive to work! Clever stuff.

Even more clever or just plain scary depending on you view, is a patent application to use the human body as a conductor for data. Imagine if by touching a screen, a relevant advert could be displayed, based on knowledge of perhaps your spending habits, travel history, etc.

See the full article here.

Pretty cool you might think. But there is a darker side to all of this, and that is where the information comes from. The Mini campaign relied on voluntary participation, but what if that RFID chip was embedded in, lets say, your credit card. Every purchase you ever make could be logged and recorded (for marketing purposes), allowing this sort of technology to be directed on an unprecedented level.

Just think about that for a second. You're walking down the street and you pass a blank digital ad board that picks up from the RFID chip in your credit card that you've recently bought a new car. You might get a personalised thank you from the manufacturer. or if it's coming to the end of it's credit agreement, you could get a message inviting you to test drive the new model.

The possibilities are literally endless. The ultimate in Direct Marketing. So it seems that far from dying out, Direct Marketing will, one way or another, become more and more important in an increasingly crowded marketplace.

ball, goal, ball, goal

hey, we've adopted a football team. but have we chosen any of those preening overpaid peacocks from the premier league? no way, jose. we've travelled further afield. even beyond barcelona with their right-on unicef sponsorship.

no, we're getting behind newell's old boys of argentina's primera division. why so? well, it all comes down to the badge - possibly the finest shield in soccer. no wonder coke-addled diego maradona - fifa's all-time greatest footballer turned out for el lads seven times in the mid-90s. kind of appropriate for the erstwhile fat one. terry 'let it go, son, let it go' butcher would approve.

latvian biscuits, portugese milk

2009, a time for new fings. hence we did our first ever big shop in lidl last night. weird. so many abstruse, obscure brands. will the products cut the proverbial mustard? look out for the update.

future tense, present perfect

hold steady! don't panic! stay calm! because here we are.

we've made it across the great divide.

this means there are gleaming pearls of wisdom heading your way fast.

their arrival is imminent.

'appee nu year!